Spell it out however you please

Anticipation

2008-07-31T04:43:03Z

I am ready to go now, to venture into the new world. I want this now, i'm mentally prepared to become an adult. It's coming up and I am getting excited. I'm content with leaving the past behind because I have learned from it. Before, I was consumed by the past; I worried about things that could happen again, things that could result in me losing my way but I am tired of being stressed over it. I am done with that old me. I have also realized that God comes first and I must put my trust into him and he will help me lead the way. I was unsure but my faith in Him has created this attraction, this bond that is just between He and I. I can't worry about others, He will take care of it as well and I can't attempt to fix things on my own. Everyone needs help, whether they want to believe it or not, I can't barge in and save the day.

I think that is what stressed me out, trying to make others lives easier while my own began to wither away. I was really depressed and in this state where I felt nothing, but now I am prepared to start over and begin fresh. Past relationships I must end as I let others flourish and some I must let flow and form into whatever it becomes.

I am in love but I am not sure of how to handle the situation, I don't even know if it's love but I think it's teaching me a lot about relationships and my discipline of staying on the right path through chastity. It's a moral decision that I have made to myself and is in no way religious. I realize that I am human through this process and that it can be difficult but I must remain focused and honest with myself. If I don't follow my goal, it is okay, it is not something I will blame myself or anyone else for. What happens happens but I hope that I can resist temptation throughout college. lol.

I told myself I would stop complaining and suck it up. Life has ups and downs and I must prepare myself for the downs. I also need to stop being annoying and rude. I don't like it when others treat me that way so I shouldn't either. I love everyone and should act accordingly. I am at peace for now.

My stupid mouth

2007-09-21T00:03:06Z

It gets me in trouble so much. I really hate that about myself. Many people have things they really dislike about themselves and that is mine. I am too honest, that affects me and the people around me. I have to stop because I tend to hurt feelings. I just, I say things that shouldn't be said and I think it's a problem. Most people hate the way they look, the way they dress, I hate the way I talk to people. It irritates me so much. I'm not good at conversing, I just wish I were mute so I wouldn't offend people as often. I don't mean too, I don't know what i'm saying until someone says so.

I am slowly improving on being a better person, but changing takes time and effort. At least i'm willing to admit my flaws and trying the best I can to fix them. Most people don't recognize their wrongs or are much too proud to even attempt to notice. Being the best person I can be is helping others more than hurting them, being supportive, being unbiased. I respect your opinions, I understand your different than I am. There's a reason we aren't all the same, so I shouldn't try to force people to believe my views. I argue less, I give advice, and I am confident enough with myself to express my feelings as well as keep them to myself. Or maybe not, maybe i'm not improving, maybe i'm getting worse. I don't know until someone tells me so.

I hate offending others. I really do but I don't know what that fine line between what to say and what not to. I guess I take my freedom of speech too far, I'm not sure. Am I too immature? Am I annoying? Bothersome? Let me know so I can teach myself to stop. I hate fighting with people, I love people too much. I rarely hate people, it might hurt my feelings, but i'd rather be hurt by honesty than be comforted by lies. Honesty is a good thing, I guess I take it too far. I'm not a stubborn person, i'm always listening, always observing. Mention something to me, I don't judge on assumptions, I judge on something I know about but, please tell me if you want my opinion or to keep it to myself.

.

2007-09-04T23:51:36Z

School sucked today. As if that wasn't obvious enough.

That's all you need to know.