Anticipation
Posted on 2008.07.30 at 21:27Current Mood:
I am ready to go now, to venture into the new world. I want this now, i'm mentally prepared to become an adult. It's coming up and I am getting excited. I'm content with leaving the past behind because I have learned from it. Before, I was consumed by the past; I worried about things that could happen again, things that could result in me losing my way but I am tired of being stressed over it. I am done with that old me. I have also realized that God comes first and I must put my trust into him and he will help me lead the way. I was unsure but my faith in Him has created this attraction, this bond that is just between He and I. I can't worry about others, He will take care of it as well and I can't attempt to fix things on my own. Everyone needs help, whether they want to believe it or not, I can't barge in and save the day.
I think that is what stressed me out, trying to make others lives easier while my own began to wither away. I was really depressed and in this state where I felt nothing, but now I am prepared to start over and begin fresh. Past relationships I must end as I let others flourish and some I must let flow and form into whatever it becomes.
I am in love but I am not sure of how to handle the situation, I don't even know if it's love but I think it's teaching me a lot about relationships and my discipline of staying on the right path through chastity. It's a moral decision that I have made to myself and is in no way religious. I realize that I am human through this process and that it can be difficult but I must remain focused and honest with myself. If I don't follow my goal, it is okay, it is not something I will blame myself or anyone else for. What happens happens but I hope that I can resist temptation throughout college. lol.
I told myself I would stop complaining and suck it up. Life has ups and downs and I must prepare myself for the downs. I also need to stop being annoying and rude. I don't like it when others treat me that way so I shouldn't either. I love everyone and should act accordingly. I am at peace for now.
I think that is what stressed me out, trying to make others lives easier while my own began to wither away. I was really depressed and in this state where I felt nothing, but now I am prepared to start over and begin fresh. Past relationships I must end as I let others flourish and some I must let flow and form into whatever it becomes.
I am in love but I am not sure of how to handle the situation, I don't even know if it's love but I think it's teaching me a lot about relationships and my discipline of staying on the right path through chastity. It's a moral decision that I have made to myself and is in no way religious. I realize that I am human through this process and that it can be difficult but I must remain focused and honest with myself. If I don't follow my goal, it is okay, it is not something I will blame myself or anyone else for. What happens happens but I hope that I can resist temptation throughout college. lol.
I told myself I would stop complaining and suck it up. Life has ups and downs and I must prepare myself for the downs. I also need to stop being annoying and rude. I don't like it when others treat me that way so I shouldn't either. I love everyone and should act accordingly. I am at peace for now.
