Spell it out however you please

I am ready to go now, to venture into the new world. I want this now, i'm mentally prepared to become an adult. It's coming up and I am getting excited. I'm content with leaving the past behind because I have learned from it. Before, I was consumed by the past; I worried about things that could happen again, things that could result in me losing my way but I am tired of being stressed over it. I am done with that old me. I have also realized that God comes first and I must put my trust into him and he will help me lead the way. I was unsure but my faith in Him has created this attraction, this bond that is just between He and I. I can't worry about others, He will take care of it as well and I can't attempt to fix things on my own. Everyone needs help, whether they want to believe it or not, I can't barge in and save the day.

I think that is what stressed me out, trying to make others lives easier while my own began to wither away. I was really depressed and in this state where I felt nothing, but now I am prepared to start over and begin fresh. Past relationships I must end as I let others flourish and some I must let flow and form into whatever it becomes.

I am in love but I am not sure of how to handle the situation, I don't even know if it's love but I think it's teaching me a lot about relationships and my discipline of staying on the right path through chastity. It's a moral decision that I have made to myself and is in no way religious. I realize that I am human through this process and that it can be difficult but I must remain focused and honest with myself. If I don't follow my goal, it is okay, it is not something I will blame myself or anyone else for. What happens happens but I hope that I can resist temptation throughout college. lol.

I told myself I would stop complaining and suck it up. Life has ups and downs and I must prepare myself for the downs. I also need to stop being annoying and rude. I don't like it when others treat me that way so I shouldn't either. I love everyone and should act accordingly. I am at peace for now.

It gets me in trouble so much. I really hate that about myself. Many people have things they really dislike about themselves and that is mine. I am too honest, that affects me and the people around me. I have to stop because I tend to hurt feelings. I just, I say things that shouldn't be said and I think it's a problem. Most people hate the way they look, the way they dress, I hate the way I talk to people. It irritates me so much. I'm not good at conversing, I just wish I were mute so I wouldn't offend people as often. I don't mean too, I don't know what i'm saying until someone says so.

I am slowly improving on being a better person, but changing takes time and effort. At least i'm willing to admit my flaws and trying the best I can to fix them. Most people don't recognize their wrongs or are much too proud to even attempt to notice. Being the best person I can be is helping others more than hurting them, being supportive, being unbiased. I respect your opinions, I understand your different than I am. There's a reason we aren't all the same, so I shouldn't try to force people to believe my views. I argue less, I give advice, and I am confident enough with myself to express my feelings as well as keep them to myself. Or maybe not, maybe i'm not improving, maybe i'm getting worse. I don't know until someone tells me so.

I hate offending others. I really do but I don't know what that fine line between what to say and what not to. I guess I take my freedom of speech too far, I'm not sure. Am I too immature? Am I annoying? Bothersome? Let me know so I can teach myself to stop. I hate fighting with people, I love people too much. I rarely hate people, it might hurt my feelings, but i'd rather be hurt by honesty than be comforted by lies. Honesty is a good thing, I guess I take it too far. I'm not a stubborn person, i'm always listening, always observing. Mention something to me, I don't judge on assumptions, I judge on something I know about but, please tell me if you want my opinion or to keep it to myself.

School sucked today. As if that wasn't obvious enough.

That's all you need to know.